Introduction

From: Where is Our Hope for Peace? A resource for Latter-day Saints Coping with Suicide, By Jaynann M. Payne and Dr. Rick. (2001)

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By Jaynann M. Payne

        "There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved and in the apportionment of suffering, the survivor takes the brunt."--Arnold Toynbee
        In 1849, Sarah Evans Jeremy, a Welsh Mormon immigrant traveled to America on the ship Buena Vista with her husband and four children. Their destination was Zion. As they sailed up the Mississippi, cholera broke out. One-third of the 248 Saints became ill and many died. All three of Sarah's little girls died in one night and were buried along the banks of the Mississippi River in a small wooden box. Only Thomas, nine years old, was left. When I read of the trials my ancestors endured, I am deeply touched by their courage and testimonies.
        Today we travel through an equally hostile and dangerous environment in the 21st century. We mourn loved ones who were victims of depression, drugs, and suicide, instead of cholera, hunger, and exposure. The suicide of a loved one is possibly the most difficult test for survivors to endure in any time or place. Feelings of failure, unanswered questions, and the terrible stigma are among the experiences survivors typically have. When a loved one commits suicide, those who have invested years of love and caring concern feel abandoned and rejected.
        As shocking and heartbreaking as it is to learn of the suicide of someone we know, it is difficult for most of us to understand the emotional and spiritual chaos that is thrust upon the surviving families. Family members and other loved ones are referred to as "survivors" for a reason: They must now survive one of the greatest tragedies life has to offer. Part of that challenge is answering the questions, "Why?" "What do we do now?" and "How can we go on?" In the book, Where Is Our Hope For Peace? A Resource for Latter-day Saints Coping with Suicide, we have brought together a variety of stories of those who have confronted suicide. Like the pioneers, they have come to know God in their extremities. Their stories are sacred. They are courageous persons who would like others to understand more about suicide among members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS).
        The purpose of this book is fourfold. The first is to understand "Why suicide?" Two personal stories of members of the Church who have attempted suicide share insights into their minds and hearts to show how such a tragedy can happen.
        Second, the phases of healing typically experienced by survivors of suicide are reviewed. The five phases are:

        We also discuss resources of support and comfort to survivors; ideas to help surviving children to heal and suggest some differences between men and women in the grieving and healing process.
        The third purpose is to share the experiences of Latter-day Saints who have coped with suicide. Each chapter includes a personal story. The survivors who tell their stories want to give comfort and encouragement to those who suffer from the tragic death of a family member. We admire them for their candor and sincerity in disclosing their innermost thoughts and feelings. They have learned important truths by going through this harrowing experience.
        The fourth purpose is to emphasize the crucial mission of Christ and His ability to heal and provide comfort. The effects of suicide are devastating, but the survivors who shared their stories learned that the way to wholeness was to place their hands in the hand of the Lord. They trusted Him to pull them through. Their belief in the reality of God's love and Christ's Atonement provided a lifeline on their journey to peace.
        No one is immune to this tragedy. Persons of all ages die of suicide; men and women, teenagers, even young children; the rich as well as the poor; active members of the Church and those who are not. Elder M. Russell Ballard, speaking of suicide, recognized that members of the Church struggle with this tragedy and the taking of one's life leaves family members and friends to cope with years of confusion and terrible pain. The survivors struggle with feelings of almost unbearable grief, guilt, anger and rejection. (The Ensign, "Suicide: Some things we know, and some we do not," October, 1987; © 2000 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc.)
        One thing we do know is that the Lord has prepared spiritual aides to support us in our times of trial. In addition to the scriptures, prayer and priesthood blessings, there is the healing power of good music. A favorite LDS Hymn, Where Can I Turn For Peace? by Emma Lou Thayne and Joleen Meredith, speaks eloquently to those who suffer from the tragedies and contradictions of life. This lovely Hymn has brought peace and comfort to some of the survivors of suicide. The Hymn, (page 129) reads:

Where Is Our Hope For Peace? relies heavily on personal stories from Latter-day Saints who have experienced the tragedy of suicide. We have related the stories to Latter-day Saint teachings and doctrines. Nevertheless, individual experiences of Church members do not determine Church policy or doctrine related to suicide. Neither the book nor its authors speak on behalf of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We simply share our experiences, thoughts, and feelings as members of the Church who have been united by a common journey to healing and hope. This book is offered as a resource to others who are sorrowing over a suicide so they will know they are not alone in their search for peace.