Building Our Children's Future

Do you remember when you were very young? Do you remember special friends or somebody who cared about you? A teacher? A neighbor? A bishop? A coach? A church youth advisor? Someone who asked how school was going and encouraged you to get good grades? Someone who would work with you on your Laurel or Eagle Scout project? Or someone who would show you how to shoot a basketball? Or someone who would just talk to you?

These are the people who, as adults, we frequently credit with helping us get through school and youth church programs. These are the people we wanted to please by showing up for church every Sunday, doing well in school or advancing in scouting, young men and young women programs. Often, these are the people we have attempted to become like ourselves.

We live in a world where many problems exist. In combating these problems we may become frustrated. President Gordon B. Hinckley, said in his talk entitled "Bring Up a Child in the Way He Should Go"
... Is there any way to change the course of the ethical and moral slide we are experiencing? I believe there is. What is happening is simply an ugly expression of the declining values of our society. [Many] who are concerned with the problem advocate more legal regulation, large appropriations for increased police forces, tax increases to build additional jails and prisons. These may be needed to deal with the present problems. They may help in the near term. But they will be only as a bandage too small for the sore. They may help in taking care of the fruits, but they will not get at the roots ... When all is said and done, the primary place in building a value system is in the homes of the people... If we are to turn this tide, the effort must begin with children when they are young and pliable, when they will listen and learn.(First published in the November 1993 Ensign, p. 59. 8 Copyright by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Used by permission.)

It is necessary for our children to have a value system if they are to be a righteous generation and if we are to prevent a variety of worldly problems. There are numerous resources to assist in building values in our children. One resource to prevent inappropriate behavior is referred to by some specialists as resource building. "Resources" are defined as building blocks to healthy human development. The thinking goes something like this: The more resources a child has, the less likely he or she will become involved in delinquent activities, such as alcohol, tobacco, and other drug use, skipping school, immorality, or even falling away from church activity. Typically, children who are at high risk for use of alcohol and other drugs and immoral behavior have a smaller number of resources. Each of us can participate in the resource building of a child. Resource building requires us to increase our concentration on the positive and good things. The scriptures teach us, "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness."(Doctrine & Covenants 58:27)

Here's how it works

Researchers have developed a list of external and internal resources for adults to use in working with children. External resources are things in a child's environment that support and nurture him or her, such as family, other adult relationships, a caring neighborhood, a loving church congregation, and youth programs. Internal resources are attitudes, beliefs, and values children should have such as doing their homework, being committed to church, reading good works, integrity, honesty, conflict resolution skills, and a positive view of the future. Ideally we would like each child to have many external and internal resources.

You can be that person for somebody

Can you name the kids on your block, or in your local church congregation? Do you talk to those kids? Do you encourage them to do better? Do you ask them how they are doing in their school and church activities? By talking to children about what is going on in their lives, adults show that they value and care about kids. We want children to get resource building at home, in their neighborhood and in church. Church advisors and leaders ought to say "How is it going?" as well as "Please come to Church," and hug them and tell them "I love you." Youth workers and other adults need to recognize the ways church congregations and personal relationships contribute to building a solid foundation for young people's lives.

How to apply the principle of resource building

Church leaders, mental health professionals, and researchers have combined their efforts to create a checklist that can be used by parents and youth leaders to reflect on the number of resources operating in a child's life. A child in a healthy environment will usually have many of the following characteristics. The list is written for parents and youth leaders to answer about themselves and their child of interest. Look at how many of these exist in the child's life, by circling the arrows of all that seem to apply:

I have a deep, abiding relationship with God and His Son Jesus Christ.

My self-esteem comes from my relationship with God, not from my career, church service or my spouse or children.

I provide a warm, caring environment for my child at home.

I'm approachable when my child has something serious to talk about.

I frequently take time to talk seriously with my child.

In addition to being able to come to me, my child has other adults s/he can go to for help.

My child has frequent serious conversations with adults other than me.

I talk with my child about school, sometimes help with schoolwork, and attend school events.

I clearly express my standards for my child's behavior.

I set rules for my child and enforce the consequences when rules are broken.

When my child goes out, I check on where he/she is going, with whom, and for how long.

I limit the number of nights my child can spend out of the home for fun and recreation.

We have at least one family activity each week.

We pray and read the scriptures together regularly.

The atmosphere at my child's school is caring and encouraging.

My child's friends are a good influence. They do well at school and avoid risky behaviors such as alcohol and other drug use.

My child has a deep, abiding relationship with God and His Son Jesus Christ.

My child's self-esteem comes from his/her relationship with God, not school activities, church service or his/her parents or friends.

My child feels attached to the church and the church youth group.

My child is involved in band, orchestra, or choir or takes lessons on a musical instrument.

My child participates in sports activities or other organizations each week.

My child attends church service regularly.

My child tries to do his/her best at school.

My child hopes to continue his/ her education beyond high school.

My child does homework regularly.

My child is interested in helping others and trying to improve his/her life.

My child shows concern for global issues such as world hunger.

My child cares about other people's feelings.

My child has values that prohibit him/her from having sex as a teenager.

My child can stick up for his/her beliefs.

My child is good at making decisions.

My child is good at making friends.

My child is good at planning ahead.

My child envisions a happy future for himself/herself.

This checklist is not intended to be a complete measurement of positive values that influence children. It is provided to assist caring adults in identifying areas of strengths and possible areas of weakness on which to focus. These "resources" can apply to a healthier way of raising all children. Resources are like individual bricks in a brick wall. The more you have the more stable the wall will be. A wall can certainly stand even if some bricks are missing. But every brick that can be added offers a child a tremendous advantage. Resources are cumulative, meaning the more you have the better. Occasionally, for other reasons, a wall with "all its bricks" can fall. Nevertheless, we as adults, want to strengthen our youth with as many resources as we possibly can. These resources lay the critical foundation upon which young people shape their lives. Generally, for each individual's increase in resources there is a corresponding decrease in high risk behavior. It is easier to build a child by increasing resources than it is to repair an adult with mental health treatment.

Church leaders and advisors

Your role as a parent or a youth leader is essential in building the resources of our youth. You meet with them on a regular basis. The church has provided the curriculum and the vehicle to meet with the youth regularly. But the church cannot provide you with the love and the willingness to care about each of God's children. You have a tremendous opportunity to build resources. If each adult who comes in contact with a child could successfully build one resource in the life of that child, the results would be staggeringly successful! We aren't going to solve alcohol and drug abuse, immorality or dishonesty with a curriculum or a single teacher. You do not pass down values and wisdom through a curriculum. You only pass them down by connecting kids with caring, principled adults. It takes the involvement of everyone to make it work. It takes the youth leaders going the extra mile when one of their class members misses a class. It takes the home teacher preparing a special lesson just for the children in the home out of love for the family. It takes parents reading the scriptures daily and having family home evening. Certainly a prevention strategy is no guarantee that each child of God will successfully avoid temptation. We do have our agency. However, learning and implementing prevention suggestions can make a difference. Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God (Doctrine & Covenants 18:10)