IMPORTANT CONCEPTS FOR PROFESSIONALS

For a therapist to be effective in serving adults abused as children, it is necessary for the therapist to believe that healing is possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Therapy needs to be provided to help those who have been abused to:

I. EFFECTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE

“There appears to be a plague of child abuse spreading across the world Perhaps it has always been with us but has not received the attention it presently receives. I am glad there is a hue and cry going up against this terrible evil, too much of which is found among our own.” (Hinckley, 1985)

        Any sexual activity initiated by one in a position of power, trust, or authority over a child constitutes abuse. Abuse violates a child’s sense of agency and stewardship for his or her own body. Children violated in this way often believe that they are unworthy of love. According to Feinauer (1988), the most devastating effects occur when children are abused by a trusted person. The emotional bond the child feels with the perpetrator and the betrayal of trust appear to be the key factors.
        Adults who were sexually abused as children often present a variety of emotional symptoms, including unexplained physical problems, eating disorders, gender identity confusion, addictions, nightmares and flashbacks of the abuse.
    The effects of childhood sexual abuse typically fall into the following categories: incorrect beliefs, destructive feelings, ineffective behaviors and interpersonal problems.

A. INCORRECT BELIEFS

        Children who have been sexually abused are usually isolated in trying to understand a very difficult situation, without the maturity and understanding to do so. According to Piaget, children think egocentrically, in concrete terms, and lack the ability for abstract thinking (Lugo & Hershey, 1979). Children depend on adults for their survival and may view them as having all authority. One bishop, sexually abused as a child, explained it this way:

“I was raised as a very obedient Mormon boy. I not only followed ‘those in authority,’ I revered them. The problem was, however, I never really had a good idea of what ‘authority’ was. To my young mind, ‘authority’ was something virtually all adults possessed simply by being adults. My subservient respect for authority, coupled with my total ignorance of human reproduction, made me a prime candidate for sexual abuse.” (Norton, Harrison & Johnson, 1993)

        The combination of dependence on care-givers and limited reasoning ability intensify a child’s struggle to understand the abuse. This often results in incorrect beliefs and interpretations such as: “I must have caused the abuse somehow.” “I must be a bad person.” “There must be something wrong with me.” “The abuse is my fault.”
        Perpetrators often exploit a child’s inherent sense of trust by making the child feel responsible for the incident through comments like: “It is okay, it will feel good.” “Don’t tell or you’ll get in trouble.” “I will give you presents if you will...” “If you tell, terrible things will happen.” “I cannot help myself” “You are so special; I love you.” Statements like these are frequently used to allow the perpetrator to manipulate the child and can leave the child confused about his role in the abuse.
        Problems may occur when a child talks about the abuse. Sensing shock or disbelief as a reaction to the disclosure, the child may develop irrational beliefs or confusion regarding what actually happened and who was responsible. Also, the beliefs a child develops about life and himself may result in distorted thinking and confused feelings. Such beliefs can become more pronounced as the child ages. For example, a young woman attending her Young Women’s class may be taught about the importance of being morally clean. When she recalls sexual abuse, she may feel unchaste, or question Heavenly Father’s love for her.

B. DESTRUCTIVE FEELINGS

        Victims of childhood sexual abuse often feel anxious, fearful, distrustful, angry, confused, helpless, isolated, depressed, inordinately responsible, guilty, shameful, worthless, and unworthy. Some may say they want to die and possibly act on these suicidal thoughts.

Elder Richard G. Scott states:

“Unless healed by the Lord, mental, physical or sexual abuse can cause you serious, enduring consequences. They include fear, depression, guilt, self-hatred, destruction of self-esteem, and alienation from normal human relationships. When aggravated by continued abuse, powerful emotions of rebellion, anger, and hatred are generated. These feelings often are focused against oneself, others, life itself and even Heavenly Father. Frustrated efforts to fight back can degenerate into drug abuse, immorality, abandonment of home and, unless corrected, these feelings lead to despondent lives, discordant marriages, and even the transition from victim to abuser. One awful result is a deepening lack of trust in others which becomes a barrier to healing.” (Scott, 1992)

C. INEFFECTIVE BEHAVIORS AND INTERPERSONAL PROBLEMS

        Children often block abusive experiences as well as the resulting memories and feelings. Initially, this blocking may help them cope and survive the pain and trauma. Bowlby referred to this cognitive process as defensive exclusion. Three situations are considered to render children prone to engaging in defensive exclusion: situations that parents do not wish their children to know about even though children have witnessed them, situations in which the children find the parents’ behavior too unbearable to think about, and situations in which children have done or thought about doing something of which they are deeply ashamed (Bowlby, 1980). All three of these situations exist in sexual abuse. While a child’s well-being may depend on forgetting, as an adult it may depend on remembering in order to resolve the issues related to abuse.
        Children are neither emotionally nor intellectually mature. Therefore, when introduced to adult sexual behavior, a child’s ability to develop decision-making and relationship skills is often impaired (Engel, 1989). The impact of sexual stimuli on the child may influence him to incorporate sexual behavior into other aspects of his life. This improper sexualization often results in secondary problems in adolescence and adulthood including marital and family difficulties, addictions, promiscuity or sexual dysfunction, and the tendency to become inappropriately responsible for others.
        Adults who were abused in childhood typically perceive only three possible roles for themselves and others. According to Stephen Karpman, these roles are rescuer, abuser and victim. (Steiner, 1974).
        Rescuer. These are self-sacrificing individuals who meet the needs of those around them while ignoring their own needs and desires. They see themselves as good Christians giving service. They often become doting wives, overprotective mothers, and overly involved church and civic workers or leaders. Adults abused as children seem to prefer this role. They often respond with disbelief when informed that Jesus taught one’s own needs should not be completely neglected to effectively serve others. (See Luke 10:38-42.)
        Abuser. This role is taken by a person who is angry and hostile, and has little regard for the feelings of others. Abusers impose their will on others. This role is sometimes taken in “nghteous indignation” in order to avoid the victim role when an individual senses that they have been mistreated by another.
        Victim. This role is the most familiar to adults abused as children. Even though they may begin a relationship in the rescuer role, they often resort to the victim role. The more they give, the more is expected until they are exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually. Their inability to be assertive results in frequent feelings of victimization. Having been victimized in childhood they may, as adults, become targets of abuse; often unable to say “no” to inappropriate sexual advances, and to unreasonable demands for their time, service, or money.

II. OVERCOMING THE EFFECTS OF ABUSE

Adults who were abused as children can be helped to:

(1) Replace incorrect beliefs and confused thinking with accurate information;
(2) Resolve emotional conflicts, develop healthy emotions and express them appropriately;
(3) Develop and practice adequate coping skills to meet life’s challenges;
(4) Improve interpersonal relationships, especially with family members; and
(5) Receive spiritual healing and peace through the Savior.

        A variety of activities can help the individual achieve these goals. Listed below are a few helpful activities with comments regarding which goals they may help achieve.

A. BIBLIOTHERAPY

        Assigned readings provide information with minimal interaction. Bibliotherapy is helpful for individuals needing control and safety early in the healing process. Correct information is provided in a passive, non-intrusive manner.

        Three books which have proven helpful are:

Outgrowing the Pain, by Eliana Gil, Ph.D.
Why Me?, by Lynn Daugherty, Ph.D.
The Right to Innocence, by Beverly Engel, M.F.C.C.

        The first chapter of Gil’s book contains a list of interpersonal relationship patterns and negative self-concepts typical of adults abused as children. This list can be used to identify self-defeating patterns and point out the need for change. Engel’s book contains a list of the different types of sexual abuse which can help identify experiences that the individual did not recognize as abusive.

B. AUTOBIOGRAPHY

        Writing an autobiography helps identify recurring negative patterns in the individual’s life, and recall the details of the abuse. This often helps diminish the impact of recall by providing a lifelong perspective in which to place the abuse. The act of writing about the abuse can help to view it as part of the past. This perspective can help abused individuals think of themselves as adults who have the power to mold the present and the future.

C. DISCLOSURE

        Disclosure is the sharing of memories of abuse in a treatment setting with an individual (or group) who is understanding, sensitive, non-judgmental, and can keep confidences. The key to therapeutic disclosure is to focus on the way the abuse was perceived and interpreted, and not on the details of what occurred. Disclosure does not have to be detailed. Sufficient information about the circumstances needs to be shared so that emotional conflicts can be resolved, and confused thinking can be replaced.
        Through disclosing abusive experiences, the intensity and influence of the memories decrease. When an individual recalls a memory and is able to share it along with the associated feelings, it helps to reduce emotional energy and pain. Many of the associated symptoms also tend to diminish. The process of sharing and then receiving love and acceptance from others is very healing.
        After the intensity of the memories subsides, individuals can be helped to examine confused thinking. By discussing the circumstances of the abuse with a group or therapist, they can develop compassion for themselves. As each individual has the courage to share his story, face his greatest fears and painful memories, his self-evaluation tends to be more positive. Confused thinking, such as believing one is responsible for the abuse, and not acceptable to others because of the abuse, can be examined, challenged and refrained. The impact of irrational beliefs on the present can be identified. Through this process, individuals develop compassion and understanding for themselves as children dealing with a traumatic experience; children who were so frightened or confused that they did not know how to react; that options they now think of as adults, were not possible then. They also can learn that surviving abuse indicates that they must have been strong, resourceful, and good.
        Disclosure allows the person to share the burden of the long held secret of abuse. Giving expression to bottled up feelings and memories helps the individual work through the stages of grief, and mourn the losses associated with the abuse.

D. MEETING WITH THE ABUSER

        At times the individual or others may believe that resolution of the abuse can be achieved through meeting with the abuser. The safety of the individual should be paramount, and a meeting with the abuser should only be considered if the physical and emotional safety of the individual can be assured. Typically events in such a meeting cannot be controlled, especially with an unrepentant abuser. This makes the outcome quite unpredictable.
        If even considered, meeting with the abuser should be postponed until near the end of treatment. It is critical that the individual work through many of the issues before meeting with the perpetrator. The purpose is to facilitate healing by placing the responsibility for the abuse on the perpetrator—where it belongs, and should not be done in a spirit of revenge. The purposes for the meeting need to be clearly understood. Feelings about the abuse and its impact on later life can be shared. It must be noted that memories are not always accurate. Emotions, the passage of time, and other factors can influence memory. Therefore the two people involved will have different memories of the same event even when both are trying to be open and honest. The final decision to meet the abuser must remain with the one who was abused.
        In many cases meeting with the abuser is impossible due to death, distance or unwillingness on the part of the abuser. Similar results may be obtained by using other techniques, such as therapeutic letters in which the abused individuals write feelings, frustrations and anger about the abuse, and conversations that they would have with the perpetrator. These letters may never even be sent. Use of the Gestalt empty chair technique can be useful in venting feelings that are difficult to vent directly to the perpetrator. These techniques may be useful in assisting the individual to overcome the effects of abuse.
        A returned sister missionary in her late twenties prepared a series of letters for her father, who had sexually abused her when she was 8 years old. The first letter was almost illegible. The words were large and biting with criticism; sometimes profane. The anger that she felt was transferred from her hand to the pen which pressed with such force that the paper was torn in places. Later drafts of the letter contained less anger and were more eloquent and assertive. After the fourth draft was completed, she decided to call her father on the phone and express her feelings to him directly rather than mail any of the letters. Reconciliation did not occur, but she succeeded in placing responsibility for the abuse on her father, and in freeing herself from inappropriate guilt in the matter.

E. GROUPS

        Group therapy and support groups provide connections with others who have experienced abuse. Groups often provide appropriate settings in which incorrect beliefs, destructive feelings, ineffective behaviors and interpersonal problems which result from abuse can be effectively resolved. The group experience lets them know that they are not alone; they are not the only ones who have been abused. They identify and empathize with others. As group members help each other, they grow and feel greater self-worth. A group setting can provide confirmation from several sources that the individual was not responsible for the abuse, and is loved and accepted in spite of it. While group therapy is recommended for most, those with dissociative symptoms may not be appropriate candidates for group work, nor should those who have experienced severe and sadistic abuse be included. The group will tend to focus only on them, and not on the less severely abused group members. In group work as well as individual counseling, therapists must guard against unhealthy dependencies.
        Often, a male/female co-therapist team works well in these groups. Where only a male therapist is available, a female volunteer, who has experienced abuse and has gone through much of the healing process, can be very helpful as a co-therapist. She can relate well to other group members, and provide hope through her example of healing in progress. Also, she can share insights that have helped her recover from the abuse, and provide support to group members outside of the group session, if needed.
        When females are abused by men, they often have trouble relating to and trusting other men. By developing an appropriate relationship with the male therapist in the safe environment of group, they learn that some men can be trusted; that not all men are abusive. This helps form a foundation upon which they can develop a more positive relationship with their husband, bishop, and Heavenly Father. Males abused by females may have difficulty trusting women. Having a positive experience with a female therapist can be therapeutic for them.
        The adults who were abused and their spouses are affected by the sexual abuse. Intimacy is often a major concern due to the individual’s beliefs regarding trust, sexuality, love, and men and women in general. A perpetrator’s membership in the extended family can have a negative influence on the marital relationship as well. Spouses who were abused can be either passive, or aggressive and controlling. These difficulties often pose complications for the marriage. To resolve these concerns, it is recommended that the couple receive marriage counseling or attend a couples’ group.
        A couples’ group can also be very helpful in several ways. It can be very effective in helping the non-abused spouse understand the impact of the abuse on the partner. This may enable the spouse to be more supportive of the partner and assist with the healing process. As the abused spouse changes, the non-abused spouse may need to change as well. Group therapy can facilitate this through open communication between them so that, together, they can resolve the problems which may exist as a result of the abuse. This will aid in diminishing dependence on the group and the therapist, enabling the couple to meet each other’s emotional needs.
        It can be very helpful to have a volunteer couple, who have worked through the issues of the spouse’s abuse, assist as co-therapists. Utilizing a volunteer couple provides a model of hope for other group members. It is also comforting for couples to know that they are not alone; that there are others who understand.

F. FINDING SPIRITUAL HEALING

        The irrational belief~ that develop as a result of the abuse often create barriers between individuals and their Heavenly Father. They may feel abandoned by Him and unworthy of His love and acceptance. Many find it difficult to pray.
        As correct belief~ replace incorrect beliefs, e.g., “I am not responsible for the perpetrator’s behavior;” “I am not bad because of the abuse;” “I am loveable and worthwhile in spite of the abuse,” those abused begin to believe in Heavenly Father’s love for them. These corrected beliefs do much to free them from the bondage of the abuse (John 8:32, D&C 50:24-25). The Lord has promised that “after.. .much tribulation, behold, I the Lord, will feel after them.. .and I will heal them.” (D&C 112:13; also see 3 Nephi 17:5-9, Isaiah 61:1-3, and Alma 7:11)
        As one who suffered abuse stated, “I know that my faith in the atonement has been and is my most powerful tool in my efforts to achieve wholeness. The atonement replaces fear with faith, despair with hope, anger with love, and bitterness with forgiveness.” (Horton, Harrison & Johnson, 1993) Total and complete healing comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

G. FORGIVENESS

        The restored gospel of Jesus Christ teaches the importance of forgiveness. The atonement of the Savior makes possible the healing of all injuries caused by abuse. To extend forgiveness to a perpetrator is to express faith in the atonement. By working to forgive the perpetrator, one draws more closely to the healing power of the Savior.
        Notwithstanding the divine injunction to forgive, and the peace and healing awaiting those who do so, individuals may feel powerless and fearful as they consider extending forgiveness to their abuser. If the principle of forgiveness is discussed prematurely, and the individual is encouraged to forgive the abuser before sufficient healing has been completed, a strong feeling of re-victimization may occur.
        Forgiveness is an important part of the healing process. However, the road to forgiveness often takes individuals through feelings of anger at having been betrayed. This is especially true when they begin to see themselves in a more positive light, and recognize that they did not deserve the abuse. They may experience “righteous indignation” that someone and something sacred was violated.
        For most individuals who have suffered abuse, forgiveness of parents, perpetrator, self; and others is an ongoing process that will likely take time.
    Elder Richard G. Scott states,

“Forgiveness ... can be hard to understand, even more difficult to give. Begin by withholding judgment Leave the handling of aggressors to others. As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily.” (1992)

        It should be understood that forgiving the perpetrator does not represent condoning the abuse. While forgiveness does not pardon the perpetrator, it does much in healing the offended individual by freeing them from burdens of the past.
    Elder Scott also states:

“You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive.” (D&C 64:10) Forgiveness heals terrible tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord...Bitterness and hatred are harmful. They produce much that is destructive. They postpone the relief and healing you yearn for. (1992)

        With forgiveness, past abuse no longer dictates or controls thoughts, emotions, and behavior in the present. Indeed, forgiveness may be the essential ingredient in helping move the individual from the role of “victim” to that of any other “child of God.”

III. HELP FROM PRIESTHOOD LEADERS

        Ecclesiastical leaders provide spiritual guidance to members. They may also refer members to LDS therapists. A bishop’s participation in a group session can increase his understanding of the impact abuse has in the lives of his ward members. For those group members who experience fear and repulsion when encountering an adult male authority figure, the group setting may ameliorate those feelings and allow the bishop to be viewed more favorably. The bishop’s presence may actually help eliminate some confused thinking about men in positions of authority.
        It is important for abused individuals to hear from the bishop (who is often viewed as representing Heavenly Father) that they were not responsible for the perpetrator’s behavior. In a letter dated February 7, 1985, the First Presidency stated:

Victims of rape and sexual abuse frequently experience serious trauma and unnecessary feelings of guilt...persons who are truly forced into sexual relations are victims and are not guilty of any sexual sin. ..Young victims of sexual abuse are likewise guilty of no sin where they are too young to be accountable for evaluating the significance of the sexual behavior. Even where acts are committed with the apparent consent of the young person, that consent may be ignored or qualified for purposes of moral responsibility where the aggressor occupied a position of authority or power over the young victim.

        In consultation with a bishop or stake president, LDS Social Services staff can provide information about abuse, and how abusive experiences may have contributed to the offended individual’s distorted view of sexuality, promiscuous behavior, and other incorrect beliefs, destructive feelings ineffective behaviors and interpersonal problems.

IV. CONCLUSION

        Providing therapy for someone suffering from childhood sexual abuse is challenging. A group facilitates change in several individuals at one time, and it also helps combat feelings of isolation and shame. In order for a therapist to be effective in serving adults abused as children, it is necessary to believe that healing is possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. The therapist must hold the conviction that these are children of God capable of creating joyful, satisfying lives for themselves. Working with those who have been sexually abused can be emotionally draining and demanding, yet it is very rewarding and gratifying to witness the healing process take place.

REFERENCES

Bowlby, J. Attachment and Loss. 3: Loss, Sadness and Depression. New York: Basic Books, 1980.

Responding to Abuse: Helps for Ecclesiastical Leaders. Salt Lake: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995.

Daugherty, L. Why Me?: Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse. Racine, Wisconsin: Mother Courage Press, 1984.

Engel, B. The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. New York: Ivy Books, 1989.

Feinauer, L. “Relationship of Long-Term Effects of Child Sexual Abuse to Identity of the Offender: Family, Friend or Stranger.” Women and Therapy, 7(4). 1988.

First Presidency Letter. “Statement on Rape.” February 7, Salt Lake City, Utah: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1985.

Gil, E. Outgrowing the Pain. San Francisco: Launch Press, 1984.

Hinckley, G. “To Please Our Heavenly Father.” Ensign, May, p. 50. Salt Lake City, Utah: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1985.

Horton, A., Harrison, B., Kent & Johnson, B. Confronting Abuse: An LDS Perspective on Understanding and Healing Emotional, Physical, Sexual, Psychological, and Spiritual Abuse. Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Book, 1993.

Lugo, J. & Hershey, G. Human Development: A Psychological, Biological and Sociological Approach to the Ljfe Span. 2nd ed. New
York: Macmillan Publishing, 1979.

Scott, R. “Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse.” Ensign, May, p. 3 1-33. Salt Lake City, Utah: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1992.

Steiner, C. Scripts People Live. New York: Grove Press, 1974.

HEALING THE TRAGIC SCARS OF ABUSE
Elder Richard G. Scott
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Scott, Richard G. (May, 1992). Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse. The ENSIGN, 22(5), pp. 31-33. (This address was presented in the Saturday afternoon session of the 162nd Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.) This material may be copied for incidental, noncommercial church or home use. Other uses require permission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

“The Lord has provided a way for you to overcome the destructive results of others’ acts against your will.”
 

        I speak from the depths of my heart to each one of you who have been scarred by the ugly sin of abuse, whether you are a member or nonmember of the Church. I would prefer a private setting to discuss this sensitive subject and ask that the Holy Spirit help us both that you may receive the relief of the Lord from the cruelty that has scarred your life.
        Unless healed by the Lord, mental, physical, or sexual abuse can cause you serious, enduring consequences. As a victim you have experienced some of them. They include fear, depression, guilt, self-hatred, destruction of self-esteem, and alienation from normal human relationships. When aggravated by continued abuse, powerful emotions of rebellion, anger, and hatred are generated. These feelings often are focused against oneself, others, life itself, and even Heavenly Father. Frustrated efforts to fight back can degenerate into drug abuse, immorality, abandonment of home, and, tragically in extreme cases, suicide. Unless corrected, these feelings lead to despondent lives, discordant marriages, and even the transition from victim to abuser. One awful result is a deepening lack of trust in others which becomes a barrier to healing.
        To be helped, you must understand some things about eternal law. Your abuse results from another’s unrighteous attack on your freedom. Since all of Father in Heaven’s children enjoy agency, there can be some who choose willfully to violate the commandments and harm you. Such acts temporarily restrict your freedom. In justice, and to compensate, the Lord has provided a way for you to overcome the destructive results of others’ acts against your will. That relief comes by applying eternal truths with priesthood assistance.
        Know that the wicked choice of others cannot completely destroy your agency unless you permit it. Their acts may cause pain, anguish, even physical harm, but they cannot destroy your eternal possibilities in this brief but crucial life on earth. You must understand that you are free to determine to overcome the harmful results of abuse. Your attitude can control the change for good in your life. It allows you to have the help the Lord intends you to receive. No one can take away your ultimate opportunities when you understand and live eternal law. The laws of your Heavenly Father and the atonement of the Lord have made it possible that you will not be robbed of the opportunities which come to the children of God.
        You may feel threatened by one who is in a position of power or control over you. You may feel trapped and see no escape. Please believe that your Heavenly Father does not want you to be held captive by unrighteous influence, by threats of reprisal, or by fear of repercussion to the family member who abuses you. Trust that the Lord will lead you to a solution. Ask in faith, nothing doubting. (See James 1:6; Enos 1:15; Moro. 7:26; D&C 8:10; D&C 18:18.)
        I solemnly testify that when another’s acts of violence, perversion, or incest hurt you terribly, against your will, you are not responsible and you must not feel guilty. You may be left scarred by abuse, but those scars need not be permanent. In the eternal plan, in the Lord’s timetable, those injuries can be made right as you do your part. Here is what you can do now.

Seek Help
        If you are now or have in the past been abused, seek help now. Perhaps you distrust others and feel that there is no reliable help anywhere. Begin with your Eternal Father and his beloved Son, your Savior. Strive to comprehend their commandments and follow them. They will lead you to others who will strengthen and encourage you. There is available to you a priesthood leader, normally a bishop, at times a member of the stake presidency. They can build a bridge to greater understanding and healing. Joseph Smith taught: “A man can do nothing for himself unless God direct him in the right way; and the Priesthood is for that purpose.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 364.)
        Talk to your bishop in confidence. His calling allows him to act as an instrument of the Lord in your behalf. He can provide a doctrinal foundation to guide you to recovery. An understanding and application of eternal law will provide the healing you require. He has the right to be inspired of the Lord in your behalf. He can use the priesthood to bless you.
        Your bishop can help you identify trustworthy friends to support you. He will help you regain self-confidence and self-esteem to begin the process of renewal. When abuse is extreme, he can help you identify appropriate protection and professional treatment consistent with the teachings of the Savior.

Principles of Healing
        These are some of the principles of healing you will come to understand more fully:
        Recognize that you are a beloved child of your Heavenly Father. He loves you perfectly and can help you as no earthly parent, spouse, or devoted friend can. His Son gave his life so that by faith in him and obedience to his teachings you can be made whole. He is the consummate healer.
        Gain trust in the love and compassion of your elder brother, Jesus Christ, by pondering the scriptures. As with the Nephites, he tells you, “I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy. … I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you.” (3 Ne. 17:7-8.)
        Healing best begins with your sincere prayer asking your Father in Heaven for help. That use of your agency allows divine intervention. When you permit it, the love of the Savior will soften your heart, break the cycle of abuse that can transform a victim into an aggressor. Adversity, even when caused willfully by others’ unrestrained appetite, can be a source of growth when viewed from the perspective of eternal principle. (See D&C 122:7.)
        The victim must do all in his or her power to stop the abuse. Most often, the victim is innocent because of being disabled by fear or the power or authority of the offender. At some point in time, however, the Lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility for abuse. Your priesthood leader will help assess your responsibility so that, if needed, it can be addressed. Otherwise the seeds of guilt will remain and sprout into bitter fruit. Yet no matter what degree of responsibility, from absolutely none to increasing consent, the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ can provide a complete cure. (See D&C 138:1-4.) Forgiveness can be obtained for all involved in abuse. (See A of F 1:3.) Then comes a restoration of self-respect, self-worth, and a renewal of life.
        As a victim, do not waste effort in revenge or retribution against your aggressor. Focus on your responsibility to do what is in your power to correct. Leave the handling of the offender to civil and Church authorities. Whatever they do, eventually the guilty will face the Perfect Judge. Ultimately the unrepentant abuser will be punished by a just God. The purveyors of filth and harmful substances who knowingly incite others to acts of violence and depravation and those who promote a climate of permissiveness and corruption will be sentenced. Predators who victimize the innocent and justify their own corrupted life by enticing others to adopt their depraved ways will be held accountable. Of such the Master warned: “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matt. 18:6.)
        Understand that healing can take considerable time. Recovery generally comes in steps. It is accelerated when gratitude is expressed to the Lord for every degree of improvement noted.

Forgiveness
        During prolonged recovery from massive surgery, a patient anticipates complete healing in patience, trusting in others’ care. He does not always understand the importance of the treatment prescribed, but his obedience speeds recovery. So it is with you struggling to heal the scars of abuse. Forgiveness, for example, can be hard to understand, even more difficult to give. Begin by withholding judgment. You don’t know what abusers may have suffered as victims when innocent. The way to repentance must be kept open for them. Leave the handling of aggressors to others. As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily.
        You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. (see D&C 64:10.) Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord.
        The Master counseled, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you.” (3 Ne. 12:44; italics added.)
        Bitterness and hatred are harmful. They produce much that is destructive. They postpone the relief and healing you yearn for. Through rationalization and self-pity, they can transform a victim into an abuser. Let God be the judge—you cannot do it as well as he can.
        To be counseled to just forget abuse is not helpful. You need to understand the principles which will bring healing. I repeat, most often that comes through an understanding priesthood leader who has inspiration and the power of the priesthood to bless you.

Caution
        I caution you not to participate in two improper therapeutic practices that may cause you more harm than good. They are: Excessive probing into every minute detail of your past experiences, particularly when this involves penetrating dialogue in group discussion; and blaming the abuser for every difficulty in your life.
        While some discovery is vital to the healing process, the almost morbid probing into details of past acts, long buried and mercifully forgotten, can be shattering. There is no need to pick at healing wounds to open them and cause them to fester. The Lord and his teachings can help you without destroying self-respect.
        There is another danger. Detailed leading questions that probe your past may unwittingly trigger thoughts that are more imagination or fantasy than reality. They could lead to condemnation of another for acts that were not committed. While likely few in number, I know of cases where such therapy has caused great injustice to the innocent from unwittingly stimulated accusations that were later proven false. Memory, particularly adult memory of childhood experiences, is fallible. Remember, false accusation is also a sin.
        Stated more simply, if someone intentionally poured a bucket of filth on your carpet, would you invite the neighbors to determine each ingredient that contributed to the ugly stain? Of course not. With the help of an expert, you would privately restore its cleanliness.
        Likewise, the repair of damage inflicted by abuse should be done privately, confidentially, with a trusted priesthood leader and, where needed, the qualified professional he recommends. There must be sufficient discussion of the general nature of abuse to allow you to be given appropriate counsel and to prevent the aggressor from committing more violence. Then, with the help of the Lord, bury the past.
        I humbly testify that what I have told you is true. It is based upon eternal principles I have seen the Lord use to give a fulness of life to those scarred by wicked abuse.
        If you feel there is only a thin thread of hope, believe me, it is not a thread. It can be the unbreakable connecting link to the Lord which puts a life preserver around you. He will heal you as you cease to fear and place your trust in him by striving to live his teachings.
        Please, don’t suffer more. Ask now for the Lord to help you. (See Morm. 9:27; Moro. 7:26, 33.) Decide now to talk to your bishop. Don’t view all that you experience in life through lenses darkened by the scars of abuse. There is so much in life that is beautiful. Open the windows of your heart and let the love of the Savior in. And should ugly thoughts of past abuse come back, remember his love and his healing power. Your depression will be converted to peace and assurance. You will close an ugly chapter and open volumes of happiness.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.